How to Set Attainable Relationship Goals

...And Make Sure You Follow Through

Gigi Engle.

Updated 04/16/19

Now that spring is upon us, we need to look to the future and figure out how to make that future look the way we want. So, it’s time to clean up our romantic relationships and set some goals.

When you’re in a long-termrelationshipor marriage, it's important to set sexual, relationship, and overall life goals together. Goals are a positive force—a shining light you can work towards. Setting goals helps to frame relationship issues in a way that seems manageable and adds a sense of togetherness to achieving these goals as a couple.

It's important to havegoals that are attainable、合理和具体,但是howyou achieve the goals is just as important as the goals themselves. Read on for tips on how to do so.

Figure out What Each of You Needs Fulfilled

First, you have to do some individual work. Take some time alone to contemplate how you currently feel in your relationship. Are you happy? Do you feel content? Is there an area of your relationship where you think you could improve? Where could your partner improve?

Ask yourself the hard questions. Be willing to feel uncomfortable, whether it's how your partner interacts with your parents, your need for more orgasms, or your desire to try a new thing in bed—discomfort probably means you should set forward-moving goals around that topic.

Write It Down

Each of you takes a piece of paper and write down broad categories: relationship,sex life，工作，家庭，以及你认为应该努力的其他任何东西（关系不应该停滞不前，所以随意列出几个类别）。

Write down at least three goals in each category that are important to you. Ask yourself why they are important in your life and how you could improve on them. Be as specific as possible. Be ready to openly discuss everything you have written down.

Come With an Open Mind (And Heart)

Before you even write your own goals down, be open with each other about how real this might get. It can get very heavy, very fast. Come to each other with an open mind and an open heart, ready to work through your issues and strengthen what you already have going for you.

如果你不认为你可以公开谈论你想要设置的目标，那么，那就是你的目标：Be able to openly talk about my feelings without judgment or fear of defensiveness.

愿意妥协

After you’ve both shown each other your goals, have an honest discussion. Remember: open mind and open heart. There might be some things you don’t want to hear—too bad. This is a forever relationship, and you’re not going to get anywhere by being hostile.

被说，愿意妥协。例如，也许你想要更频繁地做爱. You are interested in doing it every single day. Your partner, however, only wants to do it once a week. Instead of getting frustrated, negotiate. Have sex three times a week so both of you can be happy. Set aside specific days for sex so you can meet these goals.

妥协是粘合在一起长期关系的胶水。当一个人不开心时，其他人可以拥有他们想要的东西，没有人最终开心。